My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
