You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize