Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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