peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
