Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
