if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
