I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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