You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
