I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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