I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
