DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
