Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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