You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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