Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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