I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
