We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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