All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
