i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
