I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
