Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
