i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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