I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
