Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
