I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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