We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
