I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
