What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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