Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
