Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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