I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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