Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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