when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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