32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
