You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i was in the wii world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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