billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
