Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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