at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
