Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
