Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
