The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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