No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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