I'm eating all of the evidence.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
