This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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