So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
