the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
