I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize