WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
