i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
