This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
