I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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