On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
