Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
