I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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