You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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