Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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