All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
