Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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