I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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